clothes wearing a new shirt entire outfit. change our clothes,  wardrobe clothing wardrobe clothing fits and fits clothes clothes clothing a jacket or shawl a jacket or a shawl jacket in the car wardrobe purse wardrobe purse. everyday wear wardrobe malfunction wardrobe wardrobe wardrobe your face face throw water wash your face in the morning and then apply your makeup. Taking care of your face takes time, dedication, and effort. If you want to have flawless skin you will need to stick to a routine. You also need a few ingredients that can give you the most successful results. You're in luck because this article will list the main ingredients and give you tips to getting healthy, flawless skin. All that's left is you. see a difference in your skin. important for your body. Your body tends to build up toxins in your system over time by various things for various reasons. When you drink water, it removes and cleanses those toxins from your body. It's kind of like giving the inside of your body a bath. If the outside of your body gets bathe regularly, then the inside of your body deserves the same treatment. When you are regularly drinking a recommended amount of water daily, then you are removing the toxins from your body, which means you are reducing the amount of oil in your face that creates those nasty bumps. to clear those toxins from your body. While drinking the recommended amount of water daily, another important ingredient for healthy flawless skin is vitamins. Value of Vitamins Add vitamins to your daily routine. May people in the world are deficient in one vitamin or another. Vitamins do tons of wonders for us and our bodies. Vitamins help grow and repair our bodies in so many ways we do not see or recognize. Taking vitamins helps you try to maintain a healthy balance in your body, because you are getting the healthy supplements you need. You will see your skin begin to show a natural glow. A glow that no bronzer or make up can give you. If you continued on a daily vitamin regimen, you should begin to see your skin brighten in its own natural way. Day & Night Wash The next step to a "clean and clear" face is to wash your face daily morning and night. Washing your face helps to remove dirt and dead skin cells that is on your face. When you don't wash your face, the dirt and dead skin cells build upon your face clogging your pores, in which they cannot breathe, resulting into an unhappy pimpled face. Your pores need to breathe just as you do. Remember, you can not be lazy on this step. Most people begin the routine of washing their face daily, morning and night, but then they slowly discontinue the process and ask themselves a few days later, "Why isn't my skin clear?" It's not clear because you stopped your regimen! If you are saying to yourself right now, "Ugh, I don't have enough time." or "It is too much effort.", then you will not see the best results. The Best Cleanser wash your face morning and night with a face cleanser. best type of face cleanser that is for you. A face cleanser may work for your friend but not for you, because everyone's face is different. Do some thorough research for the skin type you have and the types of face cleansers you could use. Once you have found some face cleansers, it's time to begin to try them out to see if it will help you. It is understandable that you are in a hurry to achieve a flawless look but don't use the cleanser for two days and then toss it away because you assume it doesn't work for you. You should continuously use the cleanser for a minimum of 4 weeks, to determine if you see some improvement or not. Make sure that you are washing your face morning and night or washing your face as the directions on the cleanser tells you to. Be diligent and you will be happy with your results. Moisturize, Moisturize, & Moisturize Moisturizing your face is another important step to achieving flawless skin. Moisturizing your face helps to keep your skin from drying up and also keeps your skin nice and soft.  It is best to moisturize your face with something that is oil free and fragrant free. Again do thorough research on the type of moisturizer you should purchase for your skin type. You are what you think, you are what you do, and you are what you eat. To obtain flawless skin you have to watch what you eat. Eating a lot of oily and greasy foods can lead to an increase of breakouts on your face. Begin to eat healthier one day at a time to improve your diet. A healthy diet produces healthy skin, and healthy skin dramatically increases your chances of having flawless skin. We're all hoping for it to come soon.  The warm weather, shining sun and the cool breeze. It's such a great time of the year. With the seasons changing, our wardrobes change along with it. We begin to wear lighter clothing, flowy dresses and skirts. This year when making the transition, make it chic, savy, and playful. Tips for Dresses & Skirts Think of spring as a playful and happy type of season. Imagine how you can incorporate it into dresses and skirts. Your dresses and skirts should be feminine and playful. Be sure to wear your dresses and skirts in a manner that represents you best. You don't want to wear anything that gives the wrong impression of who you are. You are a divine being, let others treat you with respect by observing what you wear. Tips for Shirts Bright colors and pastels are in! Wear bright colored shirts that have a soft tone. The best colors to wear are pastel colors. These colors are bright but still have a soft tone to them. A good combination to use would be to wear bright colored shirts as the main base to your outfit, then add a little bit of darker colors to your outfit here and there. For example wearing a blue pastel shirt with some dark brown jewelry, or yellow pastel shirt with a dark green tank top underneath that shows a little bit of the color. Wearing blouses in the springtime is also a plus; it gives you that playful feel which works well in the spring. Make sure to mix the colors, picking shades that work well together, other wise it could lead to a big wardrobe disaster. Tips for Wearing Sandals Another great plus during the warmer weather is the ability to wear sandals. Bright colors on toenails do not quite fit in with the spring season. So save those bright color nail polish for the summer time. During the springtime wear neutral deep colors that will give a nice finish. For example nice plum color or forest green or deep blue will work. Colors like these will give a good balance to the rest of your spring outfit. Knowing Your Seasons When looking in the closet to select your wardrobe, ask yourself, "Does this work for the feel of spring?" Get into the habit of knowing what will work and what does not work for different seasons of the year. Every season you can look fantastic and chic! Start now to get in the rhythm of knowing what to wear each season. declare your summer independence from blow dryers, straighteners, and curling irons today. It's difficult to maintain heat-it-to-achieve-it styles in the summer. The sun is scorching hot and washing your hair becomes more frequent. Thermal styling tools can give you an instant look, but constant heat styling can thin and damage natural, color- and chemically-treated hair.  Let your hair cool off by trying alternative no- to- low heat methods for volume, texture, or sleekness. .Flip your hair upside down using a paddle brush, smoothing the back of your hair from the nape to the front (Optional: For extra hold, lightly spritz your hair with alcohol-free hairspray) When you use your heat styling tools less, your strands get a chance to breathe. Challenge yourself to give up heat for two weeks and evaluate your hair.  If it hasn't been severely damaged by heat, you may notice that your hair looks and feels healthier and stronger. Each low-to-no heat method requires less stress on your hair and an overall healthy approach to your styling routine. Spend the rest of summer working on your tan, and not your hair. Eliminate Puffy Eyes Before you wash your face in the mornings, use a cue tip to lightly dab a very small amount of aloe vera gel (revered for its healing, anti-inflammatory, and cooling properties) over your eyes. Leave the gel on your eyes for five to ten minutes and then wash your face with your regular cleanser. You will you feel instantly refreshed and your eyes will look brighter and more youthful. The late-night puffiness around your eyes will begin to disappear. Good morning, Sunshine! Banish Rough Skin To remedy dry and cracked skin, formulate your own brown sugar scrub body treatment. The natural glycolic acid found in sugar works to gently slough off dead skin cells to reveal brighter skin. massage your sugar scrub to dampened skin. To lock in moisture, towel-pat dry and apply your lotion while your skin is slightly damp. Save your skin from damaging sun rays with a generous amount of sunscreen. Nothing can wreak havoc on your skin like sun damage. a sunscreen with SPF 15 may allow you to stay in the sun for 150 minutes without getting burned. However, even if you use sunscreen, try to chill in the shade for most of the day and feel fabulous in a big floppy hat for maximum skin protection. Your hair may be fighting the common hair cold right now- dryness, breakage, and dullness- due to the harsh weather. balance of protein and moisture in your hair. When the moisture and protein levels in your hair are in sync, you will notice less breakage, length retention, and an overall increase in the health of your hair. If your hair is hard, rough, or brittle you may need a deep conditioning treatment. This will help you restore softness to your hair and smooth your cuticle, the outermost layer of your hair strand.  When applying a deep conditioning treatment, try to use a conditioner that is water-based and contains at least one humectant.  Any product that lists humectants- propylene glycol, honey, glycerin- and water at the top of their ingredient list will work best to help your hair stay soft and moisturized. No More Weather Hair Worries When rain arrives unexpectedly, you aren't running to find shelter or making a make-shift umbrella out of a newspaper or your purse. You can play in the rain without worrying about you kinky hair getting ruined. Even in humidity, you can tie your hair back and let the humidity amplify your curls and get unbelievable volume. Curly girls who don't enjoy frizz or undefined curls can still leave the house and venture into high-humidity weather. Just be sure to apply a silicone-free styling serum on dry hair to keep your curls in sync. Your Facial Features Pop Some women with more traditional African features -full lips, broad nose, and high cheekbones- can appear more youthful with curly hair than straight hair. Flat hair can make these facial features seem larger than they actually are, and hide its true beauty. Shorter, tightly curled hair seems to defy gravity when worn out in an Afro style. It "lifts" the face and draws more attention to the eyes and cheekbones. You Become Healthier many times have you heard, "I know I need to go to the gym, but I don't want to mess up my hair"? When you wear your hair curly, you don't have to make the choice of having either a great head of hair or a great body. Let's be honest, your hair needs more than the perfect shampoo and conditioner. To give you hair optimum health, you have to eat right and exercise. When you have naturally curly hair, you no longer worry about your hair "reverting" when you sweat from a work-out. To freshen your curls after the gym, you can water-rinse or cleanse you hair with a sulfate-free shampoo. You Can Experiment with Color When you let your natural tresses roam free and treat it with care, you can experiment with more color without worrying about double-processing your hair with chemicals or daily doses of heat. If you apply heat on a daily basis or wear a relaxer, adding another hair-altering chemical like color to the mix can be a recipe for dryness and breakage. Even with chemical-free hair, color can still be damaging.  Look for alternative and gentler coloring options like Henna or semi-permanent glosses. Maintain a healthier head of hair with color by putting the relaxer away, and treating your hair with nourishing products formulated for color-treated hair.Running to the salon every few weeks to tame those "unruly roots" is no longer your concern. Salon chemical and hair straightening services can cost upwards of fifty dollars per visit. Now that you've embraced the beauty of your bouncy ringlets, your wallet is packed with extra cash. Indulge your hair with at-home nourishing treatments using deep conditioners and essential oils. The next time you see a woman with an eye-catching hair style or lustrous curls, give her a compliment. Whether you have a spouse to give you roses or not, give yourself a love letter this month that highlights every feature you love to play up, make your hair one of your favorite features. Whether your hair is short or long, curly or straight, it is beautiful and deserves to feel loved. The New Year is your time to shine. Your hair should be no exception. If you need more products just to fake a healthy appearance from split ends, dullness, or limp hair, January may be the perfect time to start over.  A healthy hair goal can be achieved if you start with the right plan.  Trim Your Ends Get rid of split, frayed, and heat-damaged ends with a professional trim. Your hair cannot look its best when damaged ends are getting all of the attention.  A trim can be anywhere from one-fourth of an inch to two inches, depending on the amount of damage. If you are apprehensive about getting a trim, you can do minimal shaping each month. However, eventually all the damaged ends will need to be cut off. Once damaged ends are removed, your hair will instantly look fuller, smoother, and healthier. Categorize your products (shampoos, conditioners, styling crème, etc.) and select one from each that works the best for your hair. The products that you do not select can be given away to friends, thrown out, or saved for the summer time. With a simple selection of tried and true products, your hair can be pampered and nourished with the correct products that work best on your hair. Commit to a Hair Care Schedule Consistently bathe your hair in deep conditioning, hot oil, and protein treatments. Your hair type and needs will determine how often you should do each treatment. There should be a healthy balance of protein and moisture to promote softer and stronger strands. Have a trusted stylist evaluate your hair. He or she will be able to help you commit to a healthy hair care schedule and help decide what healthy hair practices would work best for you.Handle Hair with Care Now that you are fully invested into your customized healthy hair journey, be gentle to your strands. Avoid styles that pull at the scalp and edges of your hair. The corners of your eyes should not meet at your scalp line. Instead, style your hair into loose, chic ponytails and buns. Keep hair manipulation low, only using proper combs and brushes sparingly and gently to detangle and style hair. Always moisturize and protect the ends of your hair to minimize split ends.  Treat your hair with care, and it will flourish throughout the New Year. Curly hair has been called many names: beautiful, unique, unkempt, trendy, unprofessional, rebellious, romantic, lustrous, and the list goes on. Within the past five years, major hair companies have realized that curly hair is also very "marketable". When you listen to your hair and notice what it likes, your curly hair can become synonymous with another word - healthy.You are mingling at a party and in walks a bombshell in a fitted jacket, the best pair of skinny jeans you have seen, a head full of luscious curls, and a confident laugh that fills the room.  You immediately envy the stillettoed goddess.  improve your look and overall confidence.  With minor changes and implementing the following "secrets" you will have the tools to always feel confident and look and your best. Wear Your Favorite Outfit When you like what you are wearing your confidence level rises.  However, there are a few fashion tips you want to keep in mind.  Tailored waistlines on dresses or jackets create slimming effects and pencil skirts hide upper leg blemishes and highlight calves.  Black is always slimming but spice it up with red accents (scarf, shoes, jewelry).  Highlight your best feature to feel extra sexy. Hair Is Important Many women overlook the importance of a well coiffed do.  This year, to the benefit of all women, volume and curls are in.  Try using hot rollers because they are easy to use, quick, and will not damage your hair.  They create a loose curl that softens any look.  Leave your hair down.  If this drives you crazy, use a decorative clip to sweep up a side.  If you don't have rollers, use a curling iron to add volume and curls to your tresses. The Arsenal Of Beauty Secrets These are wonderful beauty weapons used by many Hollywood stars. Most women are so good at these "tricks" that the result appears to be natural. Non Make-up Wearers You are blessed to have a fresh clean look naturally.  For a special event, it is nice to wear a minimal amount of make-up for a more formal look.  If you don't wear make-up, mascara and lip-gloss will enhance your look.  Fake Eyelashes Fake eyelashes are a great way to widen the eye and create a come-hither look.  The packs with sections or individual lashes rather than the full strip are easier to apply and look more natural.  Apply them to the outer corner of your eye following the natural lash line.  It will add a little length and enhance the look of the eye. Curly hair is a commitment, a long-term relationship. It is more prone to splitting up, as in split ends. It is constantly changing its mood, one day it's a poof, then it's a tangled nightmare. Style & Class Let's face it baggy jeans, baggy t-shirts, and over-sized flannels are not stylish. Anything that may fall into that category needs to be removed from your closet now! Also remove anything that is too tight. Clothes that are too tight are never in style however, don't confuse fitted with too tight. Confidence is Fashion There is nothing more sexy to a man than a woman that walks into the room with confidence. Make sure that whatever it is your wearing you feel great in it. Whether you are running errands or going out you should always feel confident in what you are wearing. The 4 Must-Haves A fitted jacket is essential this fall. Whether you are wearing it with your dress slacks to work or with your trendy worn jeans, a fitted jacket is a must have! Fitted Jacket For the tall and slim- Military jacket For the athletic build- tattered Levi jacket For the curvy- lightweight trench Tall Boots Tall boots make heads turn. You will want to splurge on this buy and ensure that you are getting good quality. They are great for the office or for a night out on the town. For the office put on a pair of tights with a skirt and for the night out leave the tights at home. The Perfect Pair of Jeans Every woman should have a pair of jeans that shape her figure, gives her comfort and builds her confidence. For this fall go for a fitted boot cut with embellishment on the back pockets or for the tall and slim woman go with the skinny jean and tuck them in your tall boots. Large Leather Hobo Handbag With the chill in the air a large hobo is needed. It will carry all your normal hand bag items like your wallet, phone, water bottle, ect. You can put a scarf and gloves in there too. To keep it stylish go with something that has a rock star edge to it. Just remember to control the amount of rock star. Shop around for the perfect hobo for you. Remember that every woman has a unique body shape. Take the fashion forecast and make it your own. Put your own unique spin on everything that you wear and remember to just be you! Fall is a great season to try out new colors. Now that we know the models wearing the colors are not perfect, hopefully we will feel a bit more adventurous with fall trends! You are just as beautiful as these models, so embrace your uniqueness, and remember they make you who you are. You are beautiful and unique. Every laugh line that is etched on your face should be treasured, every wrinkle, and every scar should be worn with proud. All those things have made you who you are today, and with that, you should be proud. Eyeshadow, Blush, & Lipstick This season, we are seeing lots of purples and grays on lids.  These eye shadows have a ton of varying shades, so there is definitely one that is guaranteed to look fabulous on you.  Maybe even more than one!  These shades work with all eye colors, so do not be afraid to experiment.  With all the focus on eyes and lips, you can take it easy on the blush. Shoes shoes shoes fabulous shoes Shades of roses and mochas will match these shadows fabulously, and keep you looking fall fresh. For lips, try shades of berries and reds. mascara and lip-glosses.  Used mascara's can be very irritating to the delicate eye area, and lip-glosses can harbor unwanted bacteria.  Lipsticks can be cleaned with a quick swipe of alcohol.  Clean all eye shadows, swiping a tissue with alcohol over the shadow or the cream shadow.  Also be careful.
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Your Glory is Your Truth

Remaining Confident in New ...

Life's Adversities Make Us Stronger

Lights, Camera, Personal Beauty ...

My Daughter, My Mirror

Whispers

Nobody's Perfect: Battling Perfection...

Divorce the Darkness

Are You Green With Envy?

Successes of the Heart

True Love Starts With You

Revamp Your Resolutions

Don't Dream It's Over

Self Pride Guide: Own Your Voice

Self Pride Guide: Standing Strong ...

The Self-Pride Guide: 10 Steps to Loving










 
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Your Glory is Your Truth
From: Following the Spiritual Soul series
By: Paula M. Ezop

     What does the phrase, "Your Glory is Your Truth" mean to you?  What is your glory?  Is it success?  Is it fame and fortune?  Or is it what completes you?  Is it a distinguished quality that you possess? Is it doing what you were meant to do?  Is, "Your Glory," your reason for being, your spirit's mission in life?  If it is then truly, "Your Glory is Your Truth." 
     We all have a mission in life.  However, discovering just what that mission is can be a challenge.  In fact, for some of us it takes a lifetime, and for others it just comes naturally, and they can't imagine doing or being anything else.  They feel that they were born to be a musician; a singer, a teacher, a mother, a caregiver, a policeman, a fireman, or a writer.   
     Their mission in life isn't necessarily connected to fame and fortune (although they may receive fame and fortune.)  No, instead it is connected to their heart and soul - it is a calling - it fulfills them.  Their spirit speaks to them and they hear the soft whisperings from within, and follow their heart doing what they love.  They have found their mission in life.  They are fulfilled, and they are filled with joy, filled with glory!  They have found their reason for being - their spiritual truth - their mission in life.
     Sometimes, finding our mission in life - our spiritual truth - our reason for being takes us on a path of discovery - learning as we go, growing our spirit as we seek to find our reason for being. Perhaps, being a seeker is part of our mission.  Perhaps, we were meant to be seekers.  How wonderful is that?  What a beautiful thought!  It adds an air of adventure to those of us who aren't quite sure why we are here… 
     Whether your mission in life comes naturally or whether you take a lifetime as a seeker who searches to find their spiritual truth, their reason for being - in the end whatever path you are on you will find your purpose and it will be glorious...    
     You will find that what brings you glory; what brings you happiness, what fulfills you, what makes you feel whole.  It will make you happy when you awake and content when you sleep.  This wonderful feeling comes from within it is a knowing.  And, more importantly it touches other's lives in a positive way.
     Wouldn't it be wonderful if when we were born we came with an instruction manual that told our parents what our mission in life was?  Then, they would be able to lovingly direct us, encourage us, find every opportunity to foster just what it is that we came here to do.  Although we don't come with an instruction manual the truth is that the core of everyone's life mission is to learn love and kindness no matter what their vocation in life is. We are all spiritually connected, and we are here to lovingly touch the lives of others in a positive way and that is the "truth" that we speak of. 
     It is during the holiday season that you can actually feel love and kindness in the air.  Family, friends, and neighbors seem closer, happier, more loving.  People reach out in kindness to each other in so many ways during the holidays.  In fact we wish that the festive, loving feeling could last all year.  We wish that we could feel that spiritual connection forever and ever.
     Today in the United State and throughout the world people everywhere are facing extremely tough economic times.  Many of us have felt like giving up. But somehow we find the strength to move forward.  Sometimes all it takes are a few kind words of encouragement from a friend, or a gentle hug when we are fighting back tears, or maybe it's just a shoulder to cry on.  Whatever it is, as our spirits connect, as our paths cross, we find the strength to move forward.  We are all learning how important love and kindness are as we face these tough times - learning the "truth" that is at the core of everyone's reason for being. 
     We are all learning just what is important in life.  We are learning to reach out and help others.  We are learning and growing and finding our way, doing what we were all born to do.      
     During this wonderful season of giving let us celebrate with gifts of kindness and love. For, truly, "Your glory, your reason for being is your truth!"

First published Dec. 2010 © Copyright 


Remaining Confident in New Environments
By: Ansa Edim
 
You started a new job and your confidence is high. After all, they hired you above all other candidates! You are in a new environment with new people and sometimes in a new city all together. A number of confidence shattering or building situations can arise. The goal in a new setting is to stay empowered and confident. Situations that challenge your confidence will arise. In those cases, below are a few great ways to recover.
 
No one is introducing themselves to me.
 
If you feel like no one has approached you the best step is not to assume they are ignoring you, but to introduce yourself. Appear approachable. After all, while this is a new environment for you, you must remember that you are shaking up an already existing environment. Those who may feel threatened by change might be weary of approaching a new person. Just accept this; it has nothing to do with your personality or your worth as an employee. Stay confident and soon they will see that you are approachable. They will eventually see the breath of fresh air you are to the company and will adapt to you and the strength you bring to the company.
 
Everyone already has their groups.
 
When you start a new job, it's true that you're entering an already organized territory. You may shake things up a bit and understanding this fact is the key to maintaining self-confidence in a new office. Other employees are already comfortable with the way things are, they like the status quo and you being new messes that up. A good way of breaking into the group is by initiating conversations that stem from what you overhear. If you hear someone commenting on a nice dress someone else is wearing, add a compliment as well. Be vocal; add your voice to the usual mix of voices in the office. Eventually, you will blend in and your opinion will not only be expected but respected. Don't shy away from stepping into conversations. Ask questions, comment often, and soon you will not feel so excluded because naturally your co-workers will begin to include you in their conversations.
 
They all keep going to lunch and not inviting me.
 
Every day around 12 noon, the usual crowds gather to head out to lunch. It may seem like everyone is headed out together, each double checking to make sure the other is going. All the while, your name has not been mentioned. No one stopped by your office to check if you wanted to go. Before you know it, you're in an empty office with an empty stomach. This can foster feelings of loneliness, abandonment and low self-esteem. You may feel like a social pariah and that no one likes you. In this situation, you have to like yourself and believe whole-heartedly that you are worth spending time with. Also take initiative and ask to join a group heading out to lunch. Be observant and selective before selecting a group in order to avoid the gossip groups, negative groups, or groups that may take more time then lunch break accommodates. Don't forget that your reputation is more important then joining any group just to fit in.
 
This situation can end one of two ways: You can have the confidence to step out of your office one afternoon while everyone is making plans and say, "Hey, are you all going out? I'd like to come!" and simply invite yourself. See how it feels to spend time with this group outside of the office, even if briefly. Do they include you? Do you enjoy your time? After all, you will have to spend time with them back at the office daily, so try not to harbor any jealousy or self-destructive feelings. If you feel excluded and hurt, either try to break into the group (as seen in the above situation) or decide that this group is not for you. It's not worth the feeling of worthlessness that comes with being excluded from a group. You know your worth, and you love yourself. What others think is of no matter. Keep your confidence up and try to find ways to enjoy your lunch hour on your own if there's no way you will be dining with co-workers anytime soon. Bring a book, run errands, or shop. Have fun!

I feel belittled by more senior employees who are lower on the company chain.
 
When someone who may be lower on the company chain but older than you speaks down to you or criticizes you in an unproductive manner, remember that everyone has a job to do and that includes you and that person. This is not to support belittling other workers, but to reinforce the fact that you were hired to do your job, just as they were to do theirs. Have more confidence in yourself. Stand up to this person who may be older than you, but may not specialized in your field. In fact, they can be specialized in your field, but still may infringe on your ability to do your job. In this case, remind yourself: "I was hired for this position, not them. I know how to do my job. If I need help, I know that I can call on that person, but until then they need to stop micromanaging me." Kindly relay this to the infringing person, confidently thanking them for their input and telling them that if you need assistance, now you know who to go to. Avoid drama or getting upset.
 
Remember that whether you are embarking on a new job, a new class, or any new setting, it is important to remain confident no matter what. Your confidence will empower you to rise above office drama or feeling left out. Don't doubt or second guess yourself, your abilities, or your confidence and you will soon adapt to the new setting, just as the setting will adapt to you.

First published Sept. 2010 © Copyright 


Life's Adversities Make Us Stronger
By: Paula M. Ezop

        Have you ever felt lost, alone, scared, or afraid? Have those feelings ever made you feel sick to your stomach? Have they paralyzed you or have you cried yourself to sleep wondering if you would ever feel safe, secure, or happy ever again? Have you cried out to God for help or promised something if he helped you? If you answered yes to any of these questions believe me you are not alone. We all face challenges during our lifetime - a financial crisis, the loss of a job or our home, a life threatening illness, or the loss of a loved one - life changing situations that we have no control over, and the loss of control is debilitating. These challenges are a test of our inner strength, our faith, and our ability to endure.
        Somehow we survive, somehow we find the strength, somehow our faith is restored, and somehow we are able to endure the hardships of life. Where does this strength come from? How do we go on when life seems impossible? We access our inner strength. We look for answers. We dig in our heels. We endure and we move forward the best that we can. All the while learning and growing stronger. It's not easy but our spirit helps us survive.
        Our cries are heard, solutions appear, and strength is given. Our inner spirit takes over and controls our fear. Our inner spirit connects us to the spiritual power that is within each and every one of us. It quiets our fears and gives us a sense of peace. Our journey may not always be easy, but we find a way. We find a way to handle what life throws at us and we grow through our life experiences. The adversities of life make us stronger.
        You see, in our desperation we seek the only thing that will bring us peace - our spiritual connection to our Creator. We know in our hearts that he hears our cries. We know in our hearts that he will comfort us, and we know in our hearts that he will help us and make us strong. Our cries are heard and strength is given.
        Our life journeys are all different, just as the challenges that we face in our lifetime are different.  However, our strength comes from the same place. Our strength comes from within and from the spiritual connection that we all have.
        The next time you are filled with fear, the next time you cry yourself to sleep, the next time you feel lost, alone, or scared; remember that the answers that you seek will come from within. Access your inner strength and make that spiritual connection. Know in your heart that your cries are heard, know that you will overcome whatever situation it is that you find yourself in. You will find the strength, you will endure, but most importantly you will gain the spiritual strength you need to continue your journey through life.
First published August 2010 © Copyright 

Lights, Camera, Personal Beauty Satisfaction!
By: Christina Mason

Every woman has had a person who tries to make us feel insecure, insignificant, or stupid.  That person can take the form of magazine ads, coworkers, and even close friends. People who make remarks like, "You should wear your hair straight, you look prettier" or "You can't get a husband with your hair like that", do not appreciate your true beauty. Standout features that go against the beauty standards should be center stage and never behind-the-scenes. How do we get over our fear of the audience and embrace the role we were born to play?

Be Your Own Director
A little over a year ago, Tyra Banks launched the "So what?" campaign after the media went in on some unflattering candid photos taken of her in a bathing suit. Those two small words can make an incredible impact on your attitude: "So what if my hair is frizzy?", "So what if I'm not a size two?" When you say these words aloud, you begin to reclaim a positive attitude. It's psychological empowerment, and it helps you move forward and direct your own scenes.

Write a Script
Do you hear the same negative comments from friends, relatives, or coworkers about your hair or how you choose to dress? Write down any scathing remarks and then craft a response. The next time they mention how your hair will ruin your career, you can calmly reply, "I guess when corporate America made Ursula Stephens the President of Xerox, they thought her short afro was 'unprofessional'."  You write the script for your career and edit the negative comments.

Ignore the Critics
Everyone will not agree that you have the best hair, the best voice, etc. Some people choose to stay insecure and tear you down to lift themselves up. The next time you detect someone trying to project their negativity on you, remind yourself that you love what you do, how you look, and you how hard you work. The hilariously honest comedian Kat Williams said it best: "If you have twelve women hatin' on you, figure out how to get to sixteen by the summertime!" Use negativity to give your greatest positive performance.

Stay Positive Behind-the-Scenes
At the end of the day, you choose who you want to be. It's up to you to decide how you react to the negativity of others. Look in the mirror and repeat affirmations. Believe your own hype. Tell yourself who you are and stand by words of self-encouragement. Some may ask, "Who are you to be beautiful, talented, and intelligent?"  Who are you not to? You are the star of your own show.

First published April 2010  © Copyright 

My Daughter, My Mirror
By: Laura-Lee Smith

        Some women tip-toe through their adult lives in a subconscious effort NOT to become their mothers. We may look at our mothers strapped down with raising children and resolve not to have any, or we may see them coming home everyday tired and unhappy with a job they've taken to support their families and resolve not to get married until we are fully established in a career of our choosing. Even growing up in a certain place, the country perhaps, leads us to rebel and create a life and new identity for ourselves in the big city. However small or large these rebellions are there may come a point when we find ourselves in a dressing room on the verge of tears and in our heads is the voice of our mothers telling us what we need to change about ourselves. We've learned a lot from our mothers, but we may have picked up a lot more from them than we realize. We live in a society that puts a lot of emphasis on a man's impact on his sons, but often neglects to emphasize a mother's influence on her daughter.
        Ask yourselves where a young girl's self image comes from in her formative years. Now consider this, a young African American girl grows up hating her hair after years of having her mother heat it, beat it, and roll it into submission. While Mom may never say it out loud, what she is saying to her daughter is, "who you are isn't good enough," causing within her daughter a lifelong struggle to make herself something she's not. It is no different than a young girl watching her mother battle with her own self-image, hiding behind baggy clothes, and sighing with defeat on the scale because she is still carrying a few extra pounds. What is unspoken speaks volumes to a young girl whose only blueprint for femininity is her mother.
        Leading by example should not be taken for granted when it comes to imparting healthy self esteem in a young girl. Think about what you are telling your daughters, when you complain about your weight or carry yourself with your head hung low. If you have passed on wildly curly hair to your daughter, celebrate it. If you have passed on a little extra junk in the trunk, don't hide them in mom jeans! Learn how to dress your curves and-you guessed it - Celebrate your curves! Not only will your daughter learn to do the same, but you will be able to tag along and pass on a little shopping advice. Becoming that blueprint is so important, especially these days when being a young woman is so difficult.
        As a girl grows older healthy self-esteem becomes harder to come by, because at some point we are taught that beauty means being fair-skinned, thin, and having Barbie hair with delicate features. Where does that image come from? The answer is quite simple. These days it seems the media is doing a lot of the child-rearing and we are often quick to blame it when a boy picks up a gun and in a rage brings it to school or a young girl walks out of the house missing a few key articles of clothing because she idolizes Miley Cyrus or begins starving herself to look like Kate Moss.  But if a young woman doesn't have a healthy foundation to fall back on, the question then becomes how do we counteract what society feeds to our children?
        Before your daughter picks up a glossy fashion magazine and trades her Dora the Explorer in for Hannah Montana, she has her mother to look to, and it is in these years and beyond that you must become the woman you one day want your daughter to be. Along with all the good traits you've passed along, bestow healthy eating habits and a healthy body image that embraces every figure.
        You want the best for your daughter and you wanting her to be accepted by society's standards isn't wrong, per se, but not at the expense of your daughter's ultimate happiness. Teaching her the importance of exercise and forging a healthy relationship with your own body is just as important as forging healthy relationships with the people that you allow into your life. In living your life as a template for your daughter, you may find your own self-esteem rising and what better motivation is there to become that woman than for the love of your daughter.

First published May 2010  © Copyright 


Whispers
By: Paula M. Ezop

There's a special whisper that a mother hears at the precise moment she realizes that she is going to be a mother. Whether she becomes a mother through giving birth, adoption, or when she makes the decision to be a foster mother - it doesn't matter. There's a special soft, heart felt, all consuming whisper that mothers around the world hear. It comes from our creator who whispers to our hearts and to our souls, "Cherish, protect, and above all love the gift that I have given you." And, we whisper back, "Yes I will."

We hear that soft, gentle, loving whisper and the words resonate deep within us. "Cherish, protect, and above all love." "Love" a single word that explains the joys of motherhood.

From that moment on we love unconditionally - we love during all of the happy times, the joyous times, the trying times, and the sad times in our children's lives. We hurt when they hurt, we burst with pride when they are successful, and we shed tears when they are sad or disappointed. We hug, we console, we reprimand, and we have expectations. We teach, we mentor, and we apologize. We get mad, we give time outs, and we hug some more. We spoil them as only a mother can, and we cherish, protect, and above all love the gift that we have been given.

Motherhood is a gift. It is a heartfelt responsibility that we have for the rest of our lives, because above all else we "love," a love that is so strong, a love that never doubts, a love that goes above and beyond no matter what. That soft whisper remains in our hearts forever - it never leaves us.

The joyous part is that the whispers never end - our creator doesn't stop there, he knows our job isn't easy, he knows all too well the journey that we are on; he knows we need guidance in raising this precious gift. So he keeps on softly whispering to our spirits as we journey through life together.

He whispers, "Teach them to love, help them to learn the importance of a kind heart from you, show them the way to happiness, help them to see the goodness in all things, share your wisdom with them."

Yes, the whispers never end. Whispers that we hear in the dark of night when we are afraid and don't know what to do to help our children. Whispers given that speak of gratitude for counseling and guiding them, whispers of hope when we pray for healing, or the wonderful whispers of understanding when we teach them the hard lessons that they must learn.

We are never alone; there is an unseen force that is with us helping us to navigate the joys and hardships of raising our children.

Hold those soft whispers in your heart, for they too are a gift. A gift given out of love. And remember always to, cherish, protect, and above all love the gifts that you have been given.

First published May 2010 © Copyright 


Nobody's Perfect: Battling Perfectionism
By: Ansa Edim

Are you unable to be satisfied with anything you do that is less than perfect? Do you believe perfection should be attained at all costs? Taking the saying "There's always room for improvement" too far can be destructive. Taking it too far may erode your self-confidence, self-worth, and leave you feeling not good enough. If you tend to have these feelings of not being good enough, repeat to yourself the mantra of "Nobody's perfect" and follow these simple rules:

Rule #1: Set Realistic Expectations
Setting realistic goals will help to prevent setting yourself up for a fall. Constantly expecting nothing less than perfection leads to never reaching your goals because they are realistically unattainable. For example, if you want go get a good job, don't pressure yourself to become a CEO tomorrow. If you want to get in shape, don't put it on your shoulders to do it by next weekend, because when it does not happen, you will beat yourself up. This leads to feeling incapable of meeting what you perceive as simple goals. You are digging yourself into a hole. You set unrealistic goals, fail to meet them, and reset new goals. Stop. Give yourself some time and credit! Allow yourself to take the time you need in order to accomplish realistic goals and applaud your efforts no matter what.

Rule #2: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
Does every little thing bother you? When completing a task or goal are you tedious and meticulous in making sure you succeed? Do not do this! Perfectionism is self-destructive and can lead to nothing good. Do things to the best of your ability and believe in yourself. Believe that your best is the best. You don't have to be in constant competition with yourself.  Striving to be better is healthy. Believing that you are worthless is unhealthy. Strive to be better but never put yourself down. Let things slip through the cracks every once in a while and give yourself a break. Don't strive to be perfect. Breathe, take a step back and look at the big picture.

Rule #3: Failure is Not Personal
Failing at a task is not failing as a person. It is very important to understand that failing at a given task does not make you a failure as a person. You must learn to tell the difference to keep your sanity! If you believe in your self-worth, believe that no one is perfect and love yourself for who you are. Find ways to improve by asking for help and if that doesn't work, just tell yourself "No one is good at everything" and move on without beating yourself up. Realize that not being able to do something perfectly does not make you a failure. Change your attitude from disapproval for what you can't do to reflect appreciation for what you can do.

Rule #5: Relax
You are in control of how you feel about yourself. Because you decide what is good enough for you, stay in control of your emotions when battling perfectionism by taking a break. Stop working for a few minutes or as long as you like to just breathe and think of something else for a while. Get up from your work station and walk away. You will come back with a fresh perspective on things and a relaxed mind that will allow you to take on your task with less pressure on your shoulders.

Rule #6: Perfection is Only a Guideline
As a perfectionist, many factors contribute to the obsessive tendency to not accept anything less than perfect. You must always remind yourself that perfection is a guideline and not a goal. As a guideline, you can strive for it but be sure to understand that there is a possibility that you may not hit the mark and you need to be ok with that. Realize that it's most important to stay positive in your accomplishments. They are, after all, accomplishments!

Note: Esteem Yourself articles cannot replace or substitute for the services of trained professionals in any field. Regularly consult a doctor in all matters relating to physical or mental health, particularly concerning any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention. If you are suffering from depression or have symptoms of depression talk to a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or a counselor.

First published April 2010 © Copyright 


Divorce the Darkness
By: Laura-Lee Smith

        The year is still young and we have succeeded at some resolutions and may still be working on others. For those of us suffering with depression those resolutions seem even farther out of our reach. Bouts of depression can become even more prevalent during the winter months when darkness falls much sooner in the day and even though we are out of the dark months and moving into longer days of sunlight and beautiful weather, depression sufferers still cling to the dark mood that go hand in hand with the disease. That feeling of overwhelming, suffocating sadness that makes you feel heavy and hopeless is a feeling that depression sufferers are familiar with, and after getting over that first hump with the right medication that feeling is hard to separate from - but on the road to happiness making that break from the dark feelings is imperative to healing.

        Despite millions of sufferers, depression is a lonely disease. It has a way of getting inside of you, so far inside that it can physically hurt. You feel isolated from other "normal" people, but in reality you are, in part, doing the isolating. After the medication kicks in and emotions begin to stabilize you often don't know how to feel, so you go with what you're most comfortable with and that is the sadness-the darkness. You wear it like a cloak; you wed yourselves to it because it's all you know. Sometimes, you go with sadness because feeling something is better than feeling nothing depending on what medication you're on.  In essence, a sufferer's companion then becomes the dark feelings and before you know it, it has eaten away at any progress you may have gained.

        Likewise, people who have suffered a loss or any type of tragedy that has left them with any feelings of anger or pain can empathize with those with depression. Like depression sufferers, some people after suffering a loss may need medication to get past the pain to a place of healing.  When you've lost someone close to you or suffered some sort of misfortune or injustice wallowing in the pain of that hurt may seem preferable to moving forward.  In both cases, it is moving forward that becomes difficult.

        Once you reach that place where you may be ready to heal and have gained some control over the emotions that depression or tragedy brings, the question then becomes "now what?"  It is natural for humans to fear the unknown, and for depression sufferers or people who need to get over the pain and anger of a loss, happiness is the unknown. The alternative is staying in a place that is sad and lonely. So are you going to let the fear of the unknown keep you in a state of toxic unhappiness or are you going to take the plunge and divorce the darkness?

            When you are standing at that precipice, wondering what your next step is, tempted to let the familiarity of the darkness take you backwards, think of that dark place as a horrible husband or boyfriend.  He is toxic, he is controlling, he sucks the fun out of everything, none of your friends like him, and he's never done anything for you. What you need to do is decide that happiness and stability is what you want.

        For some, a little extra help is needed. Just like women getting out of a difficult relationship need their friends to lean on, depression sufferers need a little extra support. Don't be afraid to ask for it. Depression and the fundamental problems that may have caused it do not go away because you are taking medication.  Therapy is the best course of action, especially when depression sufferers often feel like they are burdening their loved ones with their feelings. Also, remember that finding the right therapist is like finding the perfect pair of jeans. You may have to try again and again to find the right fit for you and when your health, happiness, and future are on the line continuing in the face of frustration is crucial.

        The road to healing and happiness needs to be compartmentalized, taken in steps.  Happiness is something that you not only have to be open to, but work towards and depression sufferers need to fight a bit harder to reach it. Each day will be made up of tiny battles and even though some of those battles may be lost, when you do find a moment of happiness you'll find the fight was worth it.

        The void is too easy and anything that's worth having is going to take work. That search and hope for something better, to be something better is why you go to school, why you leave the house everyday, and why you have to hold your head up. Just remember not to wed the darkness and breathe.

Note: Esteem Yourself articles cannot replace or substitute for the services of trained professionals in any field. Regularly consult a doctor in all matters relating to physical or mental health, particularly concerning any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention. If you are suffering from depression or have symptoms of depression talk to a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or a counselor.

First published April 2010 Copyright ©


Are You Green With Envy?
By: Ansa Edim

Have you ever been jealous of a friend? Do you dwell on envy or jealousy instead of focusing on your own life? Jealousy may be a natural emotion for many of us, but when you focus on the success of your peers too much; it becomes obsessive and detrimental to how you value your own life.

A good illustration is the movie "Envy". In the movie, Tim and Nick are best friends, co-workers and neighbors. When Nick invents something that makes him rich, Tim is extremely jealous. He devotes his time trying to undermine Nick's success. Meanwhile, while Nick and his wife are enjoying their new riches and happiness, Tim's relationship with his wife and family is falling apart. He can't concentrate on anything but his neighbor's success, and consequentially, his own life is falling apart. This is an example of how uncontrolled jealousy can be detrimental to your health, life, and happiness.

Concentrate On Your Emotions
What is causing your jealousy or envy? Why are you jealous? It is likely that a lack of self-confidence is the source behind your envy. Step back and take a look at your own feelings. If you are insecure, the lives of other people may seem glamorous when you feel you have nothing to brag about. Remember that while you're angry at something someone else has, the reverse may be true: there may be people who covet something you have!
 
Channel Your Jealousy
Instead of wallowing in jealousy or envy, use your friend's success as inspiration to create your own! Use your jealousy as motivation to move you into action. If you're jealous of a fit person, begin an exercise routine. If you're jealous of a coworker who was recently promoted, ask your supervisor what you can do to get promoted as well and work towards that goal. You, too, can be moving up the career ladder, but you have to be open to change and constructive criticism.

Count Your Blessings
Envy is shallowness. You're focusing too much on material things rather than the quality of your life in other terms. Think rich not wealthy. When you're wealthy, you have a lot of money. When you're rich, you're rich in many other things: relationships, family, career, quality of life, and the list can go on and on. Think of what you have to be happy about instead of what others have. You will be surprised at how many blessings you can count!

Think of The Negative Side
Envy is painful, self-destructive, and self-inflicted. No one can make you jealous; you are the one who thinks jealously. As mentioned above, try to ignore those envious tendencies and focus more on your own life and success stories. Envy is definitely self-destructive. You may become obsessive, following the progress of and living vicariously through someone else. You have your own life to live, so stay positive!

You Are Unique
Admiration does not have to mean envy. Instead of wishing you were in their position, be happy for them. Say "Good for you!" and move on. Don't live in constant comparison with others.  Don't compare yourself or your achievements, don't judge yourself that way. You are different and no one should be compared to you. You cannot be someone else; you can only be yourself. So work on being the best "you" that you can be! Cherish your individuality. Remember that, people will always have you will want, but focusing on that want can bring you down. Instead, focus on your personal strengths. Focus on your own goals, ambitions, and dreams.

First published March 2010 Copyright ©


Successes of the Heart
By: Paula M. Ezop

Albert Einstein once said, "It is better to believe than to disbelieve; in so doing you bring everything to the realm of possibility." Reflect on his words for a moment, and begin to believe in your dreams, begin to believe in your success, begin to believe that you can reach your goals, begin to believe that you can do what others say is impossible.

Remember, there are no, "buts, or ifs, or even maybes," success will be yours - you can make it happen - enter that realm of possibilities. Don't let anyone take your dream from you. Don't let anyone tell you that you won't succeed.

Just keep listening to that soft and gentle voice that tells you to, "Go for it! Success is right around the corner! Don't give up now! Don't listen to them! Believe you can do it and you will!" Believe in yourself, and "…bring everything into the realm of possibility," that realm of possibility that Albert Einstein spoke about.

You see, life really is all about possibilities. It is about possibilities, hopes, dreams, successes, and even failures. Because even if we fail we can learn from our failures and we can move forward with even more determination.

Life is really filled with all sorts of successes. Some are career oriented, while others are centered on fame and fortune. There are big, huge, gigantic successes. Then there are the medium sized successes leading up to the big, huge, gigantic successes. And, then there are the small, tiny, almost unnoticed successes.

The things that we wouldn't ordinarily put under the category of success - things like succeeding at being a great, loving, kind, and understanding friend, daughter, or mother. Or, how about succeeding at helping others by being compassionate and caring towards strangers? What about succeeding at turning your life around after you've made some horrible choices? What about the success of being a forgiving person? We don't normally think of these as successes but they are - they are successes of the heart, successes of the soul…the best kind of successes. And, you have to believe in yourself and others in order to have successes of the heart.

So, you see we are all successful in so many ways. Ways that we should be proud of, heartfelt success that fills our lives with smiles, giggles, hugs, warm thoughts and feelings. Our friendships and relationships succeed because of who we are inside, not what we've accomplished in our lives but in the lives of others. How we've succeeded in touching their hearts and souls.

Those big, huge, gigantic successes, those medium sized successes, and those small, tiny, almost unnoticed successes are important. But not as important as the successes of the heart, for without the successes of the heart our lives would be empty and the realm of possibilities would be a lonely place.

Let's celebrate and believe in our successes of the heart, for they are what will lead the way to that big, huge, gigantic success that you dream about.

First published March 2010 Copyright ©


True Love Starts With You
By: Laura-Lee Smith

On an episode of Sex and the City Carrie ranted to Charlotte that, "If you are single, after graduation, there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you."  She may have made a few missteps in her fictional life, but Ms. Carrie Bradshaw had a point.  At a certain age being single can feel like a blow to your self esteem and Valentine's Day just highlights the fact that you haven't made the same life choices as others.  Now here comes Ms. Bradshaw's second jewel of wisdom.  At the end of that same episode Carrie decides to marry herself and registers for one pair of Jimmy Choos.  Her point is you do have that special someone and you'd be wise to remember it on Valentine's Day.  Grab a mirror and take a good hard look because you are that special someone.  This Valentine's Day, instead of drowning your sorrows in Ben and Jerry's, try rekindling the romance with yourself.

Single women have never been the loudest cheerleaders for the day that has become a day for lovers.  There are endless movies, even parties you can attend that defy the fact that we don't have that "special someone."  None of that defiance masks the fact that this particular holiday wrecks havoc on the single woman with low self esteem.  Suddenly every flaw becomes magnified as a reason we are alone, bringing us back to one glaring truth.  You don't love yourself the way you should, because for some, there is more to having a positive relationship with yourself than buying yourself or registering for a new pair of Jimmy Choos.

The first important step to rekindling a more healthy relationship with yourself is forgiveness.  It's a strange idea, but we get down on ourselves for letting ourselves gain 20 pounds or giving up on our dreams or giving up on our self image and we end up punishing ourselves by not believing we deserve anything more than what we have.  So, forgive yourself for all that you've done to stand in your own way, and all that you've done to prevent true happiness within yourself.  Remember that it is ultimately up to you to accept your life as it is or to change it.  You have the power to embrace every positive aspect of yourself and to accept every flaw, change what you can, and above all, love yourself regardless.  Forgiveness frees us and opens us up to new possibilities including looking at ourselves in a new light.

Looking at yourself in a new way, for the sake of Valentine's Day could mean treating yourself like that prince charming you may or may not still believe in.  This guy saw every good thing about you and reflected those things back at you.  But the thing is, if you have a healthy relationship with yourself, you do not need another person to do that.  You know what you have to offer because no one knows you better than you and if you aren't sure, it's time to take steps to figure out what you're made of.   

Remember, before that "someone special" comes along to sweep you off your feet we need to learn to love ourselves first.  The relationship you have with yourself will be the longest and most important relationship you will ever have.  So, this Valentine's day, instead of tearing up paper hearts, dressing all in black, and shooting poison laced darts at cupid remember that at the heart of it, Valentine's day is about love.  Any kind, every kind, and the most important kind begins with you.
 
First published Feb. 2010 Copyright ©


Revamp Your Resolutions
By: Ansa Edim

While good health is essential, this year, don't forget to resolve to improve yourself in other ways as well! This year, make a resolution to remember what you're good at and to improve upon it. De-stress and de-clutter your life to achieve your ultimate goal of better mental and emotional health. Remember, as the old song goes, you have to "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, latch on to the affirmative and don't mess with Mr. In-Between."

Accentuate the Positive
Each year, we make a list of things we don't like about ourselves and our lives and make it a goal to fix them as if we are broken and in need of fixing. What's good in your life right now? What do you love about yourself today? This year, make a list of all of the positives aspects of your life and be thankful. Did you achieve something that you didn't think you could? Did you stand up for yourself? Did you catch yourself in the mirror and smile at your beauty and grace? Gratefulness is a year-round comfort and will make you feel full instead of lacking in life. Accentuate the good things that 2009 gave you and continue to work towards these things throughout 2010.

Eliminate the Negative
As a strong and confident woman, you must stay positive and eliminate the negative thoughts that hold you back from truly enjoying life. This year, prepare a mantra: I am beautiful, I am confident, or whatever you want to be. Focus on something that you want to change for the better and stay away from stress. For example, resolving to start getting back to the gym may have a negative effect and lead to a stressful feeling if you are unable to fulfill that promise. Instead, this year resolve to be healthier and take little steps to achieve that goal. Revamp your resolutions this year by taking those that are stressful to complete or remind you of what you perceive as imperfections and resolve to be stronger, healthier, wiser or more confident.

Latch on to the Affirmative
Today, what are you certain of? In times of doubt, latch onto what you know for sure. Things that you can count on will give you comfort in this time of uncertainty. Make a list of things you know for sure that you can count on. Always remember, that you can count on yourself. At the end of the day, you will always have yourself and the love that you give yourself.

Don't Mess With Mister In-Between
Doubt, uncertainty, and insecurity are all things that will hold you back this year if you do not embrace accentuating the positive, eliminating the negative and latching onto the affirmative. "Mister In-Between" can be this state of mind where you are not sure of how beautiful and strong you are. Don't doubt yourself! You are an amazing person! With each doubtful thought you are taking power away from yourself that you have rightly earned and strived for. This is your year, build and strive for empowerment that only you can give yourself. It's up to you to rely on your positive energy. This year, gain control of what you want in life and esteem yourself.

First published January 2010 Copyright ©


Don't Dream It's Over
By: Laura-Lee Smith

It's a new year.  You are or will be a whole year older.  A new spring is approaching, a new summer is looming, a whole new year full of promises.  As is tradition, we create a list of things we plan to change, vices to break, and hobbies to pick up.  Sometimes we resolve not to make a list to break, but that simply means we have given up and have become complacent with the people we are.  Complacency is fine…if you are content and happy with the person you are.  However, if you are more than discontent, at a point where you look into the mirror and see a part of yourself that you can't recognize then maybe a list of vices to quit isn't quite the solution.  Part of that discontent may come down to the loss of dreams, and New Years is the perfect time to take stock of your life and reclaim your dreams.

When we were young our goals were lofty; our dreams somewhere within the realm of the stars.  As we grew older, childhood dreams of ballet slippers and astronaut helmets were traded in for aspirations closer to the ground.  We grew older still and suddenly the plans towards that bag-packing trip through Europe or a Pulitzer Prize hit a few snags.  Dreams we once had were slowly edged towards the backburner for lack of money, time, and will until the dreams vanish altogether into the realm of 'what if."  It is one of the most common reasons why dreams get away from us.  To quote John Lennon "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans," and the universe is no friend to assiduously laid out plans.  And if life is no friend to dreams, than fear is a downright enemy.

Our mothers used to say you can do anything and be anything you want if you believe in yourself and put your mind to it.  At some point we lost faith in our mother's words and stopped believing.  Perhaps the world beat it out of us as it does most things that were once innocent, pure, and seemingly untouchable.  Whatever the cause, a seed of fear was planted; fear of failure, fear of looking stupid, fear that our dreams are too high for us to reach.  That fear and the subsequent inaction it provokes strips something from within us that is vital to our self-esteem.  With the loss of dreams, whether it is caused by fear or by life's circumstances, there is a certain loss of self. 

The New Year is about looking backwards and forwards, enjoying a clean slate, and taking stock of your life.  While you take stock remind yourself of the person you once were and when you are writing your list for a new you, ask yourself this, "What kind of person do I want to be?"  It is an important question to ask ourselves from time to time.  We often confuse what we do with who we are, but who we are will determine what we do and how happy you will be while you do it.  Dreams we once had and may still have go far beyond what you want to do.  Your self-esteem is at stake, your very happiness and well-being and identity is on the line and New Years allows you to take hold of those faded dreams and run with them. 

So run with them.  Don't let the fear talk you into believing you can't try to accomplish your dreams.  You have already accomplished many feats you once thought you couldn't.  Small things like riding a two-wheeler, doing algebra, passing that one killer course in school seemed undoable….until you tried.  Reclaim some of that childhood fearlessness and in this New Year reclaim your dreams, create new ones, and remember what your mama said.  You can do anything and be anything if you put your mind to it.

First published January 2010 Copyright ©


Self Pride Guide: Own Your Voice
Series - Article #3
By: Ansa Edim


How do you react when the carpet is pulled from underneath you? What do you do when your foundation is rocked or when you are backed into a corner and you have to react? Suppose you were confronted with an abusive significant other or a friend that treats you badly? When what you have worked hard for fails, be prepared to build it back up. As the saying goes, if you fall off the horse, dust yourself off and get back up again. It may be hard, however, you must pull yourself back up because you deserve better.

There are many instances in life when your foundation is rocked. A heart-breaking relationship or an abusive friendship can definitely rock your foundation. In these cases, standing firm and knowing what you believe in can be your saving grace. The one person that you can always count on no matter what is yourself. Stand up for yourself.

Your Image
Staying confident and keeping your head up in tough waters is a survival skill. As women, we see images that we will never be like in the media and some of us may find ourselves weakened by what we see. Step back into your own mind, and build from there. It is easy to say "don't let it get to you," but it is imperative to believe you are beautiful just as you are.

Your Relationships
Never put others down while holding yourself up. In relationship situations, it is hard to avoid blaming or criticizing while trying to stand up for what you believe in. Remember, the goal is not to shame your significant other; your intent is to make sure that you don't get trodden on in arguments; however you don't want to victimize the other person either. You are a strong tower and you need to protect your beliefs. In an argument, stand firm, however try to understand where the other person is coming from. Express your feelings and positions with phrases like "I feel", "It hurts when", "It bothers me when". In this case, you're not accusing anyone, but you are clearly getting the point across that you are bothered by something someone is doing to you.

Speak Up
Make it a point to express whenever you are frustrated or hurt by someone. Give them the benefit of the doubt and ask for cooperation or for him to "meet you half way". You deserve respect. If your partner denies you this, you must demand it. Letting things fall by the wayside may seem like a good option for now, but eventually you will be faced with the issue again and your partner will learn to take advantage of your quietness. Do not let offensive behavior continue because you are trying to avoid conflict - this can only hurt you.

Your Voice
You may seem peaceful on the outside, but you know on the inside you are a storm of discontent. Strive for understanding always. You are an incredible individual with a unique personality and set of beliefs. If compromising is impossible, you must move on. You are entitled to your happiness. Don't settle for hurtful behavior for the sake of peace. You have a voice, let it be heard.

First published December 2009 Copyright ©


Self Pride Guide: Standing Strong in the Face of Extreme Media Standards
Series - Article #2
By: Ansa Edim

It seems like whenever you turn on the TV, no matter which channel you click to, someone is pitching a weight loss product, pill, or meal plan. A new "anti-aging" cream is developed every day it seems. Society and the media set impossibly high standards for women. Learn a few simple tricks to help you love and accept your naturally-beautiful self.

Feel Good on the Inside, Look Good on the Outside
Have you ever heard of a woman having a natural glow about her? That smiles are contagious? Can you ever tell someone is happy by just looking at them? Taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally reflects how you appear on the outside and are healthy steps to looking good no matter what. Those who feel tired look tired. The physical appearance is a giveaway of how a person feels on the inside. Happiness and beauty come from within and radiate outwards. As the saying goes, true beauty is on the inside!

Memory Lane
Remember the days when you wore those ripped skinny jeans, three or four sizes ago with a much younger body? Of course you do! We are reminded daily by the media that we don't look like we used to. It's nice to remember way back when but even healthier to remember that the adventure of life takes many twists and turns. Sure, 15 years ago you looked different, but if you learn to truly appreciate the past for what it was, you can learn to appreciate what that past has given you and what the present has to offer.

Confidence is Everything
Many say if a woman is confident, then she is beautiful. This is true. The botoxed, starving young woman on TV that you are comparing yourself to is not happy with herself. This is not true beauty. She is not confident with herself and that is why she feels like she has to compensate for what she thinks she lacks. It is hard enough to be a woman today. Though that woman is struggling, you don't need to. Wish her good luck and good health and continue living confidently as you are.

Love is All You Need
Self-love is a very important component to living a happy life in this world. When you are confident, happy with yourself, and you love yourself you can effectively ignore extreme media standards. Theoretically, if every woman had healthy self-esteem and self-love, we could possibly see a decrease in the media's wide-scale effort to create manufactured people. Don't let lapses in self-love get you to give in to someone telling you that you don't look right. There is no right way to look. Beauty is determined by you and how you feel.

Looks Aren't Everything
Both inside and out, you are a beautiful and intelligent woman. You must truly understand, believe, and accept this. The constant comparison to look or be like other women is unhealthy. Remember that surgeries, meal plans, and other quick fixes will not fix the problem or boost your self-esteem long-term.

Be yourself and love who you are. Stay confident, remember the past, appreciate the present, and look forward to the future. Stand firm and appreciate your age and the journey the years have taken you on. Love yourself and what is naturally and uniquely yours and you will be able to bypass those pesky commercials and misleading, discouraging standards.

First published October 2009 Copyright ©


The Self-Pride Guide: 10 Steps to Loving Yourself
Series - Article #1
By: Ansa Edim

As a woman, it's particularly important to love yourself. A healthy self-esteem is the first step to a successful and happy life. There are many ways to loving yourself, however, you must start today. Ten steps to start your journey include: repeating to yourself that you are beautiful, treating yourself (the healthy way), creating a talent list, spending time with yourself, having a naughty night alone, standing in the mirror and doing your best smile, trusting yourself, becoming your number one fan, and if you need to, talking to someone about your self-esteem.

Repetition
Repetition is a powerful learning tool. Everyday take time to say to yourself "I am beautiful". Before long, you will believe it! Let the idea grow in your mind. "I am beautiful. I am beautiful".  Let this be your mantra. Write it down if you have to and repeat it out loud if you have to. Believing with everything you have that you are an intelligent, beautiful, strong woman will instill a feeling of self worth deep inside you that no one can take away. Say it again: "I am beautiful". 

Treat Yourself
Treat yourself to something you've always wanted. This step can get out of control if you treat yourself with something that is unhealthy or costs you financially so be sure you can afford the treat. Whether it's a new purse, shoes, ice cream or pedicure, try giving yourself a treat once a month. Do this as often as your lifestyle can afford. In other cases, a healthy treat is anything else that you usually don't have time to do for yourself. Get your nails or hair done; go out with your girlfriends for once! Do anything that says "I care about myself, my well being, and my sanity!"

Talents & Achievements
Creating a list of talents and achievements is another great way to realize on paper that you have accomplished a great deal in your life and you are worthy of celebration. This is more than a resume, this is listing everything thing you've done that you are proud of. Go as far back as kindergarten if you want to! When you need a boost, or are feeling unaccomplished, this list is a great way to boost your mood and self-esteem.

Me Time
Spend a little time with yourself. Work and family are big stress factors and sometimes you need a minute to just sit and think or sit and not think! On this step, do nothing. Sitting around and watching TV (if you don't do it often) is actually a great way to recharge your batteries. Right before bed, clear a space on the floor, close your eyes and do the simplest and least strenuous of stretches. Let yourself go and think to yourself, you guessed it, "I am beautiful". Spend some time with yourself and enjoy the sound of silence for a few minutes every single day.

Going with the theme of spending time alone to reflect, have a naughty night alone. Go lingerie shopping. No matter your size you are, a sexy new bra can remind anyone that they are a beautiful being. Take a long shower (or bubble bath!) and relax to some music. Most women have so little time to stop and think, so relax! Use this time to close your eyes and enjoy the sound of the water.  Then get out of the shower and put on your new underwear (or new clothes if you opted for a new slinky top or cute jeans). Enjoy some fruit and a good movie or just relax and read. Whatever you do during this time, just keep in mind how wonderful you look and feel tonight.

The (Wo)Man Mirror
Take a look in the mirror and what do you see? You see a beautiful woman starting back at you! Give that woman the gift of your smile. Here is the trick: act as if no one is looking and your natural smile will come out and it will shock you as to how beautiful you truly are. Let your real beauty shine so that you can appreciate and see yourself as others do - a beautiful, smart woman with a smile that lights up a room.

Trust Yourself
Your instinct is your best tool and defense against a low self esteem. Always remember that you have the final word on your self esteem. Believing in yourself is always on your path to loving yourself. Be strong in everything you think and believe and beauty, confidence, and self esteem will shine brightly.

It's The Little Things That Matter
Try to enjoy the little things. Do you snort when you laugh? Do you have a gap in your teeth? Love what others might call your imperfections. You are beautiful and unique. Loving these parts of yourself opens the door for others to love them too, thus boosting your self esteem. Doubting yourself makes it easier for others to put you down, and for you to believe them. Make sure that you alone have the last laugh concerning you. When you exude self-confidence, it reflects what's on the inside.

Who's Your Number One Fan?
Become your number one fan. It is extremely important to be your own number one fan. No one should cheer harder for you than you! Some of us fall to a great dependence on others to cheer for us. While love and support from others is supremely important, nothing comes before love and support for yourself.

Lean On Me
If you are really having trouble following the first nine steps, try talking to someone. When you just can't seem to convince yourself that you are beautiful and worthy of love, talk to a friend, family member, spouse - anyone you trust or a therapist.  Your loved one can lift your self-esteem by confirming what's hard for you to believe. Let them in on your mantra. Trust your loved ones to repeat it to you just at the right moment. If you need to speak with a therapist, don't be afraid to. They are there to assist you.

Following these steps will put you on the path to loving yourself. No matter what, love yourself and trust yourself to make the right decisions.  You are a beautiful, smart and wonderful human being. Love yourself completely just as you are and remember: "You are beautiful!!"

First published September 2009 Copyright ©

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